Monday, September 23, 2013

Struggling ....Again

Yes, I'm struggling again.   Overwhelmed the amount of things I want to get done and it feels like my ability (to get them done) is shrinking.  Things are taking longer to get done; but even more significantly they are getting harder and harder for me to even start --- that's a mental problem, not a physical problem.  But in any case it puts me on a downward spiral.

I'm starting to dig myself out - which is why I'm able to post here; even just a few days ago I was too overwhelmed to even post.   I feel like I've turned a corner.  And I really need to focus on the little victories I have in getting things done and not focus on the long road ahead of me.

I have much to say, but again am too busy to take the time to sit down and write.

Time for me to focus on Sharpening the Saw


Saturday, August 17, 2013

The Problem with a Good Heart

I have a huge heart and more I feel more empathy than anyone I've ever met.   That puts me in vulnerable positions where I often get hurt.  The hurt and pain has made me want to close off my heart to my family and friends.  

There are times I want to change this about me - life would be easier if I didn't have so much empathy and feel others pain, especially since I have enough of my own.

The bottom line is I can't change this about me.  If I dig deep, I know I don't actually want to change this about me because it makes me a good friend, a good person, and a good citizen. 

So I have to realize my big heart will keep getting hurt.   But I have to go on and keep loving.


Monday, July 15, 2013

July's Time For Myself - SWAP and Madison day

July's Time for Myself was an enjoyable day in Madison doing several things that had been on my minor bucket list.

I got up early and was in Madison/Verona before 8 am for my first stop.  I'm not sure why but I do love getting up very early and on the road.  I definitely a morning person, but think I like it because it's something not everyone is good at - and I am good at that so it feeds my competitive spirit.  A little weird - but that's me.

First stop was the University of Wisconsin's SWAP.   SWAP stands for surplus with a purpose.   SWAP sells off the items (often tables, chairs, desks, etc) from UW departments that no longer need or will use these items.   This helps keep those items from going into a landfill.   It's mainly open to other UW departments but has public hours on the 2nd Saturday of the month.  A couple times a year SWAP has specialty sales - this weekend was the UW Athletic surplus sales - they were selling off jerseys uniforms, and warm up clothes.   I purchased a vest from the Rowing team (I expect to use this for cold mornings taking the dog out), a softball jersey, and a soccer uniform shirt.   Nothing I needed, but still fun to have a greater connection to Wisconsin.   The Rowing vest is a bit tight.  One of the things about the sale is they are in off sizes - the 'main' size for that sport is taken by the student athletes and this sale is for the stuff no student selected.  The vest still fits well enough for the intended purpose (which is under a jacket and not seen publicly), and it will be a good weight loss target and reminder for me.

The next stop was the Farmers Market at the Capital- although it turned out to be Art on the Square and most of the fruit and vegetable sellers were absent.  It didn't make much of a difference to me since because of my upcoming trips I would not have wanted to purchase much.


I think it was only last year that I got reminded of the very nice observation deck at the Capital, and now no trip to the Capital square is complete without a lap or two on the deck.   Funny, I had a hard time figuring out streets and directions - I ended up pulling out my iphone maps to double check what was what.

My morning at SWAP was planned, but the rest of the day was unplanned and open for any adventure.   Memorial Union called me - as it calls out to so many alumni.  The Union is under construction and bit of a mess but the terrace is still the perfect place to sit out at the lake.  

From the Union I headed out on another of minor bucket list items - Picnic Point!  Surprisingly I never went there as a student or in any of my many trips to Madison.  It's just over 3.5 miles from the Union to Picnic Point.   I had on my sandals, which are comfortable but not the best for walking that far (and back) on crushed gravel.  No major problems, just wished for running shoes and socks a few times as I had to take off the sandals and shake out a trapped piece of gravel.

Even if I had been at Picnic Point as a student it still would have been new to me - it has gone through a major upgrade the last year.  They now have 5 or 6 fire pit areas, some more rustic than others.  The one at the point is very nice and large.   And as a bonus, they have stations of cut firewood ready for the burning; what a nice touch.  Surprising I did not see any picnic tables or places where you could easily seat and eat - a few benches but that's about it.  Maybe that part of the upgrade is still to come.  Overall I'm glad I went, and would like to go another time with a group and have a fire there.  I think that would be fun. There are more trails and woods to explore around the picnic point peninsula - but it didn't feel safe to hike them alone so I skipped them, but it would be nice to discover them in the Fall - beautiful colors and cool weather.

 My last stop was at the Olbrich Botanical Gardens.  This was my second time there; I had gone in winter to see their Christmas Train display and walked through the outdoor gardens - not too much to see in Winter but I could tell it would be nice to see it in full bloom.  It was nice, but a big hot and humid and the pedometer was already at over 10 miles for the day.  And as a bonus the outside gardens are free.  There is a small charge for the conservatory but I skipped that this time.   

All and all it was a good "Day for Myself".  I got to do several things new to me that I had wanted to try (SWAP and Picnic Point), and several things I enjoys about Madison (Memorial Union, Capital Observation Deck, Olbrich).  It was a good exercise day for me - by the end of the day I had walked over 10 miles. 

These days for myself are working to help rejuvenate me.  Without this challenge, I would have gone to SWAP and then rushed home and started working on household tasks - and would have felt tired and overextended.  Well, I felt tired but that was because it was a good physical tireness coming from lots of walking, and while I still have a larger and ever growing to-do list, I'm less stressed about it.   Overall that was the goal of this challenge - take time to 'sharpen the saw' so you can get more done.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Being Awesome Reminders


 Just a short, personal reminder that you've been doing awesome lately in a number of ways.  There is always room for improvement, but there is also always room for acknowledging how awesome these little things are - because as we all know, little things become big things.  So little awesome becomes big awesome!
  • You've been doing great at wasting less food.  Americans waste an astonishing amount of food.  Part of the problem is Americans buy things that are good for us that we don't like and so the salads and fresh veggies go uneaten and go to waste.  Americans also tent to buy in bulk because its cheaper - but when you waste a third of it what was your real cost?  In any case, lately you've been doing real well at keeping track of things, always having staples available so there have been less last minute fast food dinners, etc. 
  • You've been doing well with the Endomondo bike challenge.  It kind of got off to a slow start but you've been making it out on a regular basis - which can only be good for the waistline and it keeps adding points.  The beauty of their scoring system is you get 20 points for any ride over a mile, and additional point for every mile.  That means for someone like me that is usually only riding 2 to 5 miles on those weekdays, I'm still racking in the points.  And you were awesome to set a realistic goal of 1250 points for the challenge period.  Its a stretch, but you took into account the almost 3 weeks your unable to ride, so its doable.  Keep it up!
  • You're dog expirences have been challenging, but things are going well.  You're doing your best to keep him happy and healthy, and it's working.
  • The yard is really taking shape and you have a good habits and plans to keep it that way.
  • You've been motivated to make long term plans - remember you not likely to get where you want if you don't know what you want!
As always there is room for improvement, but you're doing well and I hope this is a good reminder and pat on the back to help keep you motivate and striving further!  Go Barb Go!!!

Out of Karma and into Grace


My friend Jose posted this article Bono on Jesus.   It's interesting and this quote really touched me:
no: I really believe we’ve moved out of the realm of Karma into one of Grace.
Michka: Well, that doesn’t make it clearer for me.
Bono: You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics; in physical laws every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It’s clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the universe. I’m absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that “as you reap, so you will sow” stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff.
- See more at: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/frankviola/bono-on-jesus/#sthash.hGVKH1RP.dpuf
Bono: I really believe we’ve moved out of the realm of Karma into one of Grace.
Michka: Well, that doesn’t make it clearer for me.
Bono: You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics; in physical laws every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It’s clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the universe. I’m absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that “as you reap, so you will sow” stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff.
- See more at: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/frankviola/bono-on-jesus/#sthash.hGVKH1RP.dpuf
Bono: I really believe we’ve moved out of the realm of Karma into one of Grace.

Michka: Well, that doesn’t make it clearer for me.

Bono: You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics; in physical laws every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It’s clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the universe. I’m absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that “as you reap, so you will sow” stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff.
Michka: I’d be interested to hear that.

Bono: That’s between me and God. But I’d be in big trouble if Karma was going to finally be my judge. I’d be in deep s—. It doesn’t excuse my mistakes, but I’m holding out for Grace. I’m holding out that Jesus took my sins onto the Cross, because I know who I am, and I hope I don’t have to depend on my own religiosity.
I believe in Karma and I desire to be more graceful.  I love his point that karma is in physics " every action is met by an equal or an opposite one" - it makes the inner science geek in me happy. And my personal philosophy on religions - almost all religions - is that they can be basically driven down to try your best to be good and you will be rewarded here and/or in the after-life.  Or in other words, karma - what you reap you will sow.

It opens my eyes to see the transformation from karma to grace.  Grace is a character trait I wish I used more often.  I will say on my behalf, I'm getting better at being graceful - improving, but still with lots of room to grow.

And I do love this line Grace defies reason and logic, because I have a niece Grace who does on a regular basis defy all reason and logic with her choices!  Which makes her fun and joy to be around.  

Monday, June 17, 2013

preretirement thoughts

I'll been reaching my toes into the 'pre-retirement' phase of life.  

It's something that has been on my radar for a while.  My financial planner and I have talked about this - and the how to plan for becoming a snow-bird with two houses - one here in Wisconsin and another someplace warmer for the winter.  We've talk all types of possibility.  My expectation is that I'll move from my single family home within 4 to 10 year into a condo-- probably being closer to 5 or 6 years than 10 years - but anything is possible and (so far) there is no driving need for the move.   The condo will give me a lot more freedom by taking away much of the outside maintenance and upkeep.  Right now I don't mind the grass cutting, snowblowing, etc.   Those tasks reduce my freedom to take off.  My job can be done from almost anywhere with good internet and phone connections and it would be easier to leave a condo than my house for a couple of months at a time.  With a condo, I wouldn't have to get coverage for the snow removal, grass cutting, etc - things are needed to make the house not look abandoned and ripe for thieves.

Over the next couple of years I plan to rent a place in the February and March time frame.  Rent for at least a month and maybe 6 weeks or the full 2 months.   Time to try out living in some of those areas while still working my job full time - basically with no changes except the contact phone number.  Be there long enough to check out the tourist /key activities and also have enough nights and weekends when nothing special is going on - rent a movie, take a neighborhood bike ride, etc so that you can get the full feel of how it really would be to live there.

I've started the search, although not very effectively for Austin, TX for the spring of 2014.  That area makes the most sense because I have family there, it fits my warm weather requirements, etc.   I hope over the next couple of year to also do this for Columbus, OH; where I have lots of friends that are like family to me. I also would like to do this in some vacation spots for me - Canyon country in Utah, Lake Norris in Tennessee, Washington DC are Virginia area.   Most of these locations make more sense for me to do after I've moved into a condo here in Milwaukee.  

The dog also impacts this.  This plan started when I had Wally.  And then all I had to check was that the rental place allowed for cats.   With dogs its a different story, or at least with Zeus it is.  I'll need to have an area to take him out multiple times a day, need to find a dog kennel and dog day care place for him, and frankly he is more destructive than Wally ever was so I'm not sure about leaving him alone in a place he doesn't know.  May need to create him like when he was a little puppy.   And it changes what type of rental I'm willing to take - with Wally I would have been comfortable with an apartment style, but with Zeus and his barking it make me nervous to be that close to other people.   Not sure what to do, but Zeus changes my plans.

And even with all this plans - the most critical task (to me) is reducing what I own.  I have too much stuff.  I need to reduce and declutter what I already have - it will make it easier to move and downsize into a condo, and it will help make the house more attractive to buyers.

It's also easier said than done.   Reduction and decluttering have been on my list for a while and honestly have been some of my top desires - but its to a point where it is so overwhelming that its hard to start and hard to make enough progress to make the process motivational.   Plus I really do have a zen-budda personal philosophy deeply ingrained in me that I have a very hard time throwing away things that are still usable - and this stretches to giving these items to a Goodwill type place - if I don't think someone will appreciate the items then I don't want it to go there.   I really want to 'use-up' all the excess I have - have it lead a good life, thank it for its service and let it go in a respectful way.   Now how many people think about that when considering pens with more than half their ink gone?   I know I feel too much.  But this is hard for me.  And I need to start working on it now to have the retirement I want.

Monday, June 3, 2013

June's Time For Myself - Mega Hike at Starved Rock State Park

Well looky here - its only June 3 and I already have done and am posting about June's time for myself! 

This past weekend I completed the Mega Hike at Starved Rock State Park.   It was a great hiking experience - challenging and enjoyable.  It was certainly a tough physical day.  There were lots of ups and downs, and many miles of the trails were 2 to 6+ inches of muddy muck and of course the water crossings!!  The water crossings bothered me - first I really think the Illinois park system should (and easily can) add rocks or boards to make those crossings less wet.   It was inefficient, and if your a reader on my blog you know I hate inefficiency!! Plus they had us hike those water crossing canyons first of the day and also first after lunch (when some of the group had just changed to dry shoes)

My iphone died before lunch so there are limited photos. 

This first picture is from Illinois Canyon - the 'waterfall' as less than 18 inches tall and about 2 to 3 feet wide.   And to get there we needed to cross the stream 3 times (and 3 more times to exit the canyon).   Some of the crossing had the water up to just below the knees.  My hiking boots are waterproof but not when the water goes up and over the top!  Honestly this waterfall was so small and such an uncomfortable trip to get there that they should rethink this as the first canyon.  It makes for long day of hiking in wet socks and shoes - not a good start.  Because the next two canyons were still flooded (Ottawa Canyon and Kaskaskia Canyon), they had the trolly pick us up and drive us to the parking lot across from Hennepin Canyon.  While on the trolly I changed to dry socks - it helped but since the hiking boots were submerged and drenched the feet were still wet - better with dry socks but still not the best.   If I do this again next year - may want to wear keen sandals or other water shoes and change to boats after exiting Illinois Canyon - from what I understand this always requires 3 stream crossings and it will always have water in it.  Again the best approach is if Starved Rock added some larger stepping stones or some wood planks to keep you from needing to submerge your boots.


Nice water flow near on the
connecting trail to Hennepin Canyon

A few more thoughts.... this was a nice break with a mid size drive (3.5 hours each way) which gave some good self thinking time and an evening alone in the hotel.  I thought I would get more self reflection and planning done - but it was still a good rejuvenation evening.

Orange mushroom fungus
This was an unusual Mega Hike for them - it was rescheduled from the April date because the Illinois River  had flooded the park.  They have never had to skip canyons before - they skipped 2 canyons because of the flood damage and we had to backtrack in and back out of a couple of connecting canyons because of flood damage. In April the park was filled with wildflowers, which had all finished blooming by our June Mega Hike.  So going during their regular time would change the expirence - also normally there is much less mud than we encountered - maybe as much muddy area, but not the deep shoe stealing mud we fought through.  Less of the deep mud means you can hike through it - we spend time bushwhacking our own path along side the supper muddy sections - and therefore cover the distance faster.

Another point was this is a challenge to go by myself to these things and make friends/interact with the group.  Overall I did well and felt like I fit in.   But the flip side of that is that I'm glad I went alone because not many of my friends could keep up with the group's pace and would be able to deal with the mud and water.  I'd rather be by myself than have a friend along that is slowing down the group or complaining about the conditions - as that would stress me and reduce my enjoyment.

I'm not sure I feel the need to go back here on my own again for a Spring/Summer hike.  But I am interested in either coming back in the fall to see the trees in full color, and its peaked my interest to see this in winter - apparently even some of the waterfalls that only run part of the summer will always have ice waterfalls.  Out guides said you must wear Yaktrax on your winter boots.  

And I would do their Mega Hike again - I probably can't do their Fall Mega Hike this year since it is the same weekend as the Wisconsin - Ohio State football game and I expect to be Columbus that weekend.  But I'll watch for it on their calendar and try again in 2014 - either their Spring Waterfall one, or their Fall Colors one - or both.  This was a good physical challenge.  I'm tired today, but happy about the experience.