Me, Wally and the mouse in my house

It made me happy to find this email.  I had sent it back in October of 2001 - just a couple of weeks after I had adopted Wally.  I went looking for this write up shortly after his death (in March of 2011) but it had been rolled off my yahoo email history.  I thought I had lost it forever.  I'm so glad I found it!

 Here’s a little sorry about me and Wally that you may enjoy…..  

 Sunday afternoon I was doing laundry and Wally kept trying to get between the washer and the wall. I couldn’t figure out what he was doing, in fact I thought he was just stupid because the ironing board was in the way and he would never fit. But right about then, a little mouse that he was trying to reach ran out and tried to get into the closet across from the washer. I screamed a high-pitched yell that even surprised myself. I wanted a chair to jump on and a broom to wave at the mouse. Since no chair was nearby, I instead jumped and high-stepped around, continuing to yell things like “you don’t belong here!!” and “Get out of my house!!” to the mouse. All of which did nothing but make the mouse run around more and scared Wally. The mouse quickly ran back under the washer, Wally kept a vigil watch and I went outside to plant bulbs in the garden – I did not want to be in the house. I stayed outside until I left to go to Don and Jane's for dinner.  

 After coming home from Emily’s b-day dinner I sat in the living room. The laundry was done but I had no desire to get near enough to take it out of the dryer. While I was sitting there and trying to get my courage up, I hear this “squeak, squeak” and in strolls Wally with the mouse in his mouth. I jumped up on the couch and Wally sat down right in front of me, keeping the mouse in his mouth the entire time. The mouse was still alive making squeaking noise and whipping its tail around Wally’s whiskers. I quickly yelled and jumped from the couch over the coffee table and beyond Wally, ran into my room and put on a pair of shoes. If I were to face this creature I need to have shoes, it would kill me to have it touch my toes. I ran back out, closing the bedroom door so it wouldn’t get in. Wally had guessed that I was yelling at him and let the mouse go, so we had the mouse running around the living room, and Wally and I chasing it, with me making the most noise, followed by the mouse and Wally getting into the spirit of things with several load meows.  

 The mouse hid under the couch. I tilted the couch and called for Wally to “Go get him!” and Wally ran under the couch and chased the mouse out. I ran into the kitchen and retrieved an empty butter tub to try to use to catch the mouse. So now you have me running around bent over with the butter tub near the floor, but jumping up and away as soon as I actually get near the mouse. I needed more space between me and the mouse, so I quickly searched the basement for a box, all the while Wally is chasing the mouse around the family room. I can hear the two of them running around and making noises as I frantically search for something to catch the mouse with because I was not going to touch it directly with any part of my body.  

 Just as I was coming up from the basement, Wally chased the mouse to the front door. I joined the two of them and slammed the shoebox upside down over the mouse and scooted it back so I could open the door and lifted the box so the mouse could run outside.  

 I picked up Wally to thank him and give him a little love. He was a happy boy and wanted to kitty kiss me but he had just had a mouse in his mouth and I had to push his face away. He had to settle for some kitty treats instead of a kiss, that will have to wait until he brushes his teeth!

St Walter Pray for us

I started to call Wally "St Walter of the Patio".  Image my surprise to find out there is a St Walter (of Pontoise) and that one of the reasons to pray to him is for invoked against job-related stress - and to think my Wally was my main stress reliever.  No matter how bad things were, the mere presents of Wally would lower my frustration level dramatically.  A few minutes with him and all was right in the world again. Oh how I miss him and his calming affect on me. 

As a gift to myself I plan to get St. Wally medallion as soon as I reach my next weight loss goal - this is very appropriate since Wally's death was the catalyst for restart on the weight loss.  Wearing the St Wally medallion will be a physical reminder for me, something tangible to help me stay focused on my priorities. Wally will always be a priority for me.

Stanford University's Weeping Angle

I saw this image of Stanford University's Weeping Angle and it is the best image to represent my feelings last week .   This statue really spoke to me.  

As an update,  I do feel much better this week

Still waiting

I tend to hate this point..."To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did" When God takes something from your grasp. He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence. "The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."  Just 27 Words,  'God our Father , walk through my house and take away all my worries and illnesses and please watch over and heal my family in your name, Amen.'  This prayer is so powerful


It's been a year, and I still don't understand why God would need to take my cat to make me 'open my hands to something better'.  I'm still waiting

WWWW

Trying to keep my focus and remember What Would Wally Want!!  I know he would understand I'm hurting as I come up on the anniversary and that I may fall to bad habits to comfort me.  Remembering that he would want the best for me will help me make the right choices. 

Breakthrough!

It's really not that big of a deal but I think it may have a big impact on how I'm able to keep the house as I want it and in general to be able to better keep up on things.

This week for the first time I was able to put the dog to bed in his crate for the night and still be able to work in the family room and kitchen.  This may not sound like a lot,  but normally once I put Zeus in his crate for the night, I've always felt like I needed to vacated that side of the house and limited myself to the master bedroom.  I could watch TV or read, and sometimes I took the laptop in there with me.   But overall it limited me from getting things done and organized and it seamed like so much was piling up and not getting done. Which added a lot of stress to my life.

So far both nights have been where Zeus was at the Doggy Office during the day and extremely tired those nights.  I'm not sure how well this will work on regular nights when he is not in a deep sleep.

This change helps 'integrate' Zeus into my life, rather than being an 'imposition'; which as much as I love him I often felt that he was a imposition because he takes sooo much more time and energy than Wally ever did.  Wally was an energy boost for me; Zeus is often an energy drain for me.  I do think this will change as he leaves the puppy stage and is a well trained dog.  But for now, often it is hard and this breakthrough helps me see light at the end of the tunnel!

September 11

Today is the 10th anniversary of the terrorism attacks on America. 

I'm impressed with the memorial they have created at Ground Zero.  It's beautiful in both its simplicity and magnitude.  I personally have been profoundly affected by the events of September 11 and find myself already feeling the need to see the new memorial - although I do feel the need to wait until its attached museum is completed (planned for 2012) and the newly planted trees are bigger. 

In 2008 I took a trip to New York City to see a baseball game at the old Yankee Stadium before the new Yankee Stadium opened.  We did a bunch of NYC tourism stuff including visiting Ground Zero and St Paul's Church.  St Paul's is a small church about a block away from Ground Zero, and it became the refugee for the first responders as they took much needed rest breaks.   It was highly emotional and a must see spot for anyone visiting NYC.

On a personal level, September 11 brings back memories of my beloved cat Wally.   Earlier that summer I had to put down my beloved cat Tibers who I had since my college days in Madison.  After September 11, we  were all reminded that life is short and with that realization I knew I needed to have a pet back in my life and my home.   So 9/11 was the impetus for me adopting Wally.

I love you Wally, I miss you Wally, and I will never forget you Wally.

Glad for indecision

I'm not sure it really was indecision, but I'm awfully glad I did not do what I had thought about doing!!

Wally loved the flowers off of the patio; and I had thought it could be a nice final resting place for his ashes, but I wanted a stone or some-sort of memorial for it and I still have not found one that I like and reminds me of Wally. 

Today I'm having landscaping work done and one of the areas they cleared out was his patio flower bed.  Its down the dirt - and if Wally's ashes has been there they would no longer be there.

Now I'm torn, I do still think this may be a good resting place for Wally, especially if the end result is beautiful but then again it will be an area new to him.  

I know they say cats would rather stay with the house than the owner, but I don't believe any of my pets would have chosen the house over me.  We had too deep a bond.  And I know this home is not long for me either.  I'm guessing I will have moved out within the next 10 years. 

I found out a a friend of mine's family buried their cats in a "undisclosed" location in Mitchell Park.  In the park at an area that was near the river stream and it's a place they can always visit no matter what happens to their family home.   Its not a bad idea to consider - I can see options of spreading Wally and Tibers ashes (yes, I still have Tibers' ashes because I could not bury them at the condo since I knew I would be leaving there within a year or two) at either Laphem Peak State Park (my most frequent hiking trails) or at Nashotah Park (my favorite trail running park).

I'm not sure what to do, but I'm very thankful I didn't yet spread his ashes in his favorite flower bed.

Prayers for Wally

It's a bit unorthodox but it still felt right to me.  I added my beloved cat, Wally's name to the list of Memorial Day memorials at my church.  I miss Wally.  He was a good and loving cat and it feels right to have people pray that he has a happy afterlife.  I pray he does.  I pray its true we get reunited with our pets in heaven.   I love Wally and he will always have a space in my heart.

It's illogical

It's hard being part Vulcan.   I often feel like I may be a descendant of Spock because I am so logical.   And I have a (controlled) hatred of illogical things and thinking.   And I'll tell you there is nothing logical about Wally's death.  Yesterday was a month.  And there are still several times each week when I'm overwhelmed with the loss.   And it really bothers me that it's not logical for Wally to have died.  He was well cared for, he was well loved, he was too young. 

It's not logical, it's not fair, and honestly it just sucks.

Checking in

its been a very.tough.week.

I was optimistic about how well I was doing with the sudden loss of my best furry friend.  But last weekend was awful.  I missed him terribly.  It seemed the pain and sadness intensified.  I was hurting in all directions and every sense of the word.

But in order to keep my mind on other things I finally got a couple tasks completed that had been weighing heavy on my mind.   My taxes are done - yea!  and I finally complete and sent in the 2010 Health Care Spending receipts.  Its one of those accounts where you spend it or lose it and had already spent it and was going to lose it if I didn't get it submitted in time.   Both are now done and I even have a filing system set up to help with this account for 2011; especially important since I increased the funding to this for 2011.

Plus I've been running and walking more - I have a lot of nervous energy to burn off.   On Saturday I did a long walk - almost 8 miles.   I had wanted to walk about 6 or 7 miles to help me get back on track with the half marathon training.   But this was bigger and longer than I expected.   Overall it felt fine and was a nice walk.   Sunday started with a cold, rainy run with Marty's trail running program.

Over the last week and half, I have run or walked over 25 miles.  My new iphone nike+ GPS app is helping to track these exercise outings.  Those miles burned over 3000 calories - yea!

I'm still down a few pounds but I can tell my appetite is beginning to return, along with my desire to snack.   I do want to lose weight and I hope by still trying to dedicate to it to Wally it will help motivate me.

Some sense of Peace

This is hard to write.  I'm hoping it will be cathartic and help me get over the sudden loss of Wally.

While his death was extremely hard on me, there are several things about it that have given me a sense of peace.

In no particular order...
I'm thankful for finding him still alive.  The morning of his death we had our normal morning routine.  He jumped on the bed just after the alarm sounded.  He was running around and playful as I got ready.   I'm thankful his death didn't happen overnight, or when I was out, or worse when I was home with him but busy with work and not paying attention to him.   Instead I was actively looking for him.  He was alone in this distressed state for no more than 20 minutes before I found him.  I think if I had found him already dead I would be in much worse shape and could not handle this as well.

I'm thankful that I had taken Wally to the vet just 2 weeks before his death.  He was a well cared for cat.  Wally was a little off - his eating was down, he had times when you could tell he wanted comfort.  Something was wrong, but he was mainly himself.   If I had not taken him to the vet, I would still wonder if there was something, anything that could have been found to prevent his death.   I know there wasn't.   He had been fully checked out by the vets taking a urine sample, doing X-rays, and an ultrasound -- but they found nothing.

Even though it was extremely difficult to see my little boy in so much pain as he struggled for his last breaths, I am grateful that I was there with him and that he was not alone.

I'm thankful that one day over Christmas break he had a minor incident that caused me to call the vet and they gave me information on the closest animal emergency center.   That day turned out to be nothing, but I had booked marked their webpage and so on the day of his death I knew who to call and how to get there - there was no wasted time searching on where or what to do.

I'm thankful that my sister Jo Ann and her son Rolly were planning to spend the weekend with me.  Since they were staying with me, I splurged and had a cleaning company come in on Tuesday and as part of that clean up most of Wally's stuff was put away.   This made it much easier after his death to not have all his toys and blankets out and about - that would have been the constant reminder.   And it would have been really sad to put those things away and knowing it was for the last time.  I'm also thankful that Jo Ann and Rolly were here - its a great distraction and it really helped keep the house from feeling empty without Wally.

While its extremely sad and the feelings of loss overcome me at different times, overall I do have some sense of peace about his passing.  I know I loved him, I know he loved me, I know he knew I loved him, I know he was well cared for (some may even say I spoiled him) and I know he did not suffer for long.

I think Wally's last loving act to me was to give me gifts of faith and improved health.  I have a feeling my faith is part of why I'm able to deal with Wally's death.  I don't think I knew how strong my faith had become until I had this terrible burden and am able to see the peace within me.   And in a funny sort of way, Wally may help me finally get back to a healthier weight.  His death has deeply affected me and with that I have lost much of my appetite.   And also given me nervous energy that makes me want to do something active to burn it off.   I'm down a few pounds already and I hope to internally dedicate my new resolution to exercise and eating better to Wally.  I'll think of my new resolution as his last gift to me.

RIP Wally

My heart breaks today.  My wonderful little boy of a cat died today. 

I adopted Wally in October of 2001 shortly after the September 11th attacks on America and a couple of months after I had to put my cat Tibbers to sleep.  

At the animal shelter I had meet with several cats and none really seams to be a good fit - I may have even seen all the available cats.  When I asked if they had any orange cats, they told me there was one about 10 months old.  He had been a stray someone found and brought in to the shelter.  The cat was still under assimilation training but they were willing to see how he acted around people and brought him into the viewing room with me.  Wally looked around for a minute then he spotted me, walked over to the folding chair I was sitting on, rubbed my legs for a minute while I petted him then he jumped up on my lap and rolled over to have me pet his belly.  He had found me, I had found my cat.