I made gravy today....and that made me feel like a grown-up. Which is funny because just yesterday I had bagel chips for dinner and that decisively made me fell like I was not a grown up.
I sat on the couch after finishing the bag and contemplated my life. I'm been in a slump over the last couple of months, with an inability to get things done. One key point I contemplated was I'm constantly amazed but what I'll "live with". The thing is I hate my house, my life, etc when I let things go and just live with it. I blame my parents for my unnatural ability to live with things that should be dealt with, because they saw "living with" things as a virtue. They honestly thought it made them better people to have the ability to live with it. My tenancy to "live with" things half done, half put away, etc is one of my key barriers to having the life I want. I look around and I see a coffee table that has had stuff to review for goodwill donations, etc - and its been sitting to the side of the living room since mid August! I don't think a "normal" person would with that.
Another key barrier is perfectionism - it's not the standard perfectionism -- I don't feel that things have to be perfect .... I feel things have to be perfectly efficient. And when they are not efficient, then I don't get things done. I've had a built-in efficiency monitor that goes loco when things, people, and/or processes are not efficient and do things the hard way. Drives me CRAZY. And it makes me procrastinate and not get some of the day-to-day stuff done because I'm looking for a different way to make it more efficient or more routine. Its probably worse in my personal life because in my professional life at IBM there is a TON of inefficiency that I can not control, so I try to control even more in my own life. Aughh
The third barrier is frugality - another trait I learned from my parents. I have this trait to an extreme. I'm looking around my computer as I write this and see several used napkins and tissues - used but they still have the ability to be used again. It really does bother me to throw these out when I can still see life left in them. Auggghhh. I love to "use things up". I actually do get a feeling of happiness when I finish a box of crackers or cereal, or finish the last piece of paper in a notebook. Speaking of notebooks, I'm using one now that has pages that dated from 2003 - yes, 7 years ago I was using this same 70 page notebook. And I've moved at least once (and maybe more times) since I purchased it for about 10 cents - I wonder how much my moving cost was for all these old notebooks with "a few good blank pages in them"? How can I think that's worth it to keep things like old notebooks that still have 10 sides of blank pages? I have too much stuff that doesn't bring me pleasure or happiness but that I have a hard time throwing away because they still can be used. The tissues and napkins are an extreme example but there is much in my house that fits this bill.
So what do I do to get over this?... just do it. Take the old Nike slogan and try to apply it to my house. Just do it, even if its inefficient and they are better ways to do it, just get it done doing whatever it takes (or retakes) Getting my house to be something I'm proud of will make a big difference for my attitude. I did a change over to clean up piles of stuff that was left in the kitchen, and the clean up made me feel soooo much better about the kitchen. I need to take that same approach throughout the house. Its a nice house - I do love it - but for the last few weeks I would have been embarrassed if anyone came in beyond the doorways.
So this weekend will be a big push to get it done. The priority will be the "public areas" of the house - I'll let the bedrooms slide to another time. I'm going to get the Family room, living room, dining areas, mud room, and entry areas looking how I want them to look. Trust me - this is a big task. But its going to happen. I have the motivation to get it done. Now I just need to find the time.
No comments:
Post a Comment