its been a very.tough.week.
I was optimistic about how well I was doing with the sudden loss of my best furry friend. But last weekend was awful. I missed him terribly. It seemed the pain and sadness intensified. I was hurting in all directions and every sense of the word.
But in order to keep my mind on other things I finally got a couple tasks completed that had been weighing heavy on my mind. My taxes are done - yea! and I finally complete and sent in the 2010 Health Care Spending receipts. Its one of those accounts where you spend it or lose it and had already spent it and was going to lose it if I didn't get it submitted in time. Both are now done and I even have a filing system set up to help with this account for 2011; especially important since I increased the funding to this for 2011.
Plus I've been running and walking more - I have a lot of nervous energy to burn off. On Saturday I did a long walk - almost 8 miles. I had wanted to walk about 6 or 7 miles to help me get back on track with the half marathon training. But this was bigger and longer than I expected. Overall it felt fine and was a nice walk. Sunday started with a cold, rainy run with Marty's trail running program.
Over the last week and half, I have run or walked over 25 miles. My new iphone nike+ GPS app is helping to track these exercise outings. Those miles burned over 3000 calories - yea!
I'm still down a few pounds but I can tell my appetite is beginning to return, along with my desire to snack. I do want to lose weight and I hope by still trying to dedicate to it to Wally it will help motivate me.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Some sense of Peace
This is hard to write. I'm hoping it will be cathartic and help me get over the sudden loss of Wally.
While his death was extremely hard on me, there are several things about it that have given me a sense of peace.
In no particular order...
I'm thankful for finding him still alive. The morning of his death we had our normal morning routine. He jumped on the bed just after the alarm sounded. He was running around and playful as I got ready. I'm thankful his death didn't happen overnight, or when I was out, or worse when I was home with him but busy with work and not paying attention to him. Instead I was actively looking for him. He was alone in this distressed state for no more than 20 minutes before I found him. I think if I had found him already dead I would be in much worse shape and could not handle this as well.
I'm thankful that I had taken Wally to the vet just 2 weeks before his death. He was a well cared for cat. Wally was a little off - his eating was down, he had times when you could tell he wanted comfort. Something was wrong, but he was mainly himself. If I had not taken him to the vet, I would still wonder if there was something, anything that could have been found to prevent his death. I know there wasn't. He had been fully checked out by the vets taking a urine sample, doing X-rays, and an ultrasound -- but they found nothing.
Even though it was extremely difficult to see my little boy in so much pain as he struggled for his last breaths, I am grateful that I was there with him and that he was not alone.
I'm thankful that one day over Christmas break he had a minor incident that caused me to call the vet and they gave me information on the closest animal emergency center. That day turned out to be nothing, but I had booked marked their webpage and so on the day of his death I knew who to call and how to get there - there was no wasted time searching on where or what to do.
I'm thankful that my sister Jo Ann and her son Rolly were planning to spend the weekend with me. Since they were staying with me, I splurged and had a cleaning company come in on Tuesday and as part of that clean up most of Wally's stuff was put away. This made it much easier after his death to not have all his toys and blankets out and about - that would have been the constant reminder. And it would have been really sad to put those things away and knowing it was for the last time. I'm also thankful that Jo Ann and Rolly were here - its a great distraction and it really helped keep the house from feeling empty without Wally.
While its extremely sad and the feelings of loss overcome me at different times, overall I do have some sense of peace about his passing. I know I loved him, I know he loved me, I know he knew I loved him, I know he was well cared for (some may even say I spoiled him) and I know he did not suffer for long.
I think Wally's last loving act to me was to give me gifts of faith and improved health. I have a feeling my faith is part of why I'm able to deal with Wally's death. I don't think I knew how strong my faith had become until I had this terrible burden and am able to see the peace within me. And in a funny sort of way, Wally may help me finally get back to a healthier weight. His death has deeply affected me and with that I have lost much of my appetite. And also given me nervous energy that makes me want to do something active to burn it off. I'm down a few pounds already and I hope to internally dedicate my new resolution to exercise and eating better to Wally. I'll think of my new resolution as his last gift to me.
While his death was extremely hard on me, there are several things about it that have given me a sense of peace.
In no particular order...
I'm thankful for finding him still alive. The morning of his death we had our normal morning routine. He jumped on the bed just after the alarm sounded. He was running around and playful as I got ready. I'm thankful his death didn't happen overnight, or when I was out, or worse when I was home with him but busy with work and not paying attention to him. Instead I was actively looking for him. He was alone in this distressed state for no more than 20 minutes before I found him. I think if I had found him already dead I would be in much worse shape and could not handle this as well.
I'm thankful that I had taken Wally to the vet just 2 weeks before his death. He was a well cared for cat. Wally was a little off - his eating was down, he had times when you could tell he wanted comfort. Something was wrong, but he was mainly himself. If I had not taken him to the vet, I would still wonder if there was something, anything that could have been found to prevent his death. I know there wasn't. He had been fully checked out by the vets taking a urine sample, doing X-rays, and an ultrasound -- but they found nothing.
Even though it was extremely difficult to see my little boy in so much pain as he struggled for his last breaths, I am grateful that I was there with him and that he was not alone.
I'm thankful that one day over Christmas break he had a minor incident that caused me to call the vet and they gave me information on the closest animal emergency center. That day turned out to be nothing, but I had booked marked their webpage and so on the day of his death I knew who to call and how to get there - there was no wasted time searching on where or what to do.
I'm thankful that my sister Jo Ann and her son Rolly were planning to spend the weekend with me. Since they were staying with me, I splurged and had a cleaning company come in on Tuesday and as part of that clean up most of Wally's stuff was put away. This made it much easier after his death to not have all his toys and blankets out and about - that would have been the constant reminder. And it would have been really sad to put those things away and knowing it was for the last time. I'm also thankful that Jo Ann and Rolly were here - its a great distraction and it really helped keep the house from feeling empty without Wally.
While its extremely sad and the feelings of loss overcome me at different times, overall I do have some sense of peace about his passing. I know I loved him, I know he loved me, I know he knew I loved him, I know he was well cared for (some may even say I spoiled him) and I know he did not suffer for long.
I think Wally's last loving act to me was to give me gifts of faith and improved health. I have a feeling my faith is part of why I'm able to deal with Wally's death. I don't think I knew how strong my faith had become until I had this terrible burden and am able to see the peace within me. And in a funny sort of way, Wally may help me finally get back to a healthier weight. His death has deeply affected me and with that I have lost much of my appetite. And also given me nervous energy that makes me want to do something active to burn it off. I'm down a few pounds already and I hope to internally dedicate my new resolution to exercise and eating better to Wally. I'll think of my new resolution as his last gift to me.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
RIP Wally
My heart breaks today. My wonderful little boy of a cat died today.
I adopted Wally in October of 2001 shortly after the September 11th attacks on America and a couple of months after I had to put my cat Tibbers to sleep.
At the animal shelter I had meet with several cats and none really seams to be a good fit - I may have even seen all the available cats. When I asked if they had any orange cats, they told me there was one about 10 months old. He had been a stray someone found and brought in to the shelter. The cat was still under assimilation training but they were willing to see how he acted around people and brought him into the viewing room with me. Wally looked around for a minute then he spotted me, walked over to the folding chair I was sitting on, rubbed my legs for a minute while I petted him then he jumped up on my lap and rolled over to have me pet his belly. He had found me, I had found my cat.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Welcome
Hope you like the changes to my little blog. I love globes and old maps so this background spoke to me. I'd rather have the brown be shades of blue - but you get what you get with free hosting!
Enjoy
Enjoy
Monday, February 14, 2011
Disappointed
"Disappointed" is one of my favorite lines from the movie A Fish Called Wonda. I can't get the same inflection as Kevin Kline so when I use this line no one ever gets that I'm quoting from that movie.
Anyway, I'm disappointed because my plan for running using my newly created running plan was demolished. I was getting tired of my personal indoor track that is all turns and no straightaways - I'm sure its slowing down my running. My plan was to try out the Brookfield East High School where our cities' Park and Rec holds an open gym for residents on Monday nights. For some unknown reason I was assuming the track was elevated above the basketball courts. Turns out the track is painted around the edge of the courts and is just a gym floor - no cushioning, no nothing. And to make matters worse - the direction they had set up the courts had the track either in or right next to the basketball games. This would not be a pleasant way to get in 2+ miles.
I came home but knew there was very little chance I would run in my basement - it needs natural (daylight) light to be a good location for a run. And its pitch black outside - not gonna work for me.
Disappointed because this time of year it really takes a lot of gumption on my part to get out and leave the house when its already dark out. I'm sure I have suffer some from seasonal affective disorder (SAD). I talked myself in and out of going at least 5 times before I left. I made myself do it and it didn't work out well. I'm hoping that doesn't affect me getting out next time (ie, reminding myself how it didn't work this time and is probably not worth it next time).
I knew the timing was not working in my favor. The park and rec open gym starts at 8pm. I much prefer to do my evening running around 6pm and have dinner after. Running at 8pm meant that I had already eaten dinner, and even though it was soup and not very heavy I still prefer not to eat much before I run.
It was worth a try. It didn't work out well. There is no need to repeat trying to run at this location. But it is worthwhile for me to find another indoor location where I can run while its too cold to run outside. The Pettit National Ice Center is a possibility - but from training for my first half marathon I found that while the Pettit lists hours for the indoor track they don't have it open unless the ice rinks are in use. I've been there mornings when they were supposed to have been open already for 2 hours and were still closed. For an early morning runners like me this can be frustrating. I'll add it to my options, but I'll also keep checking around for another indoor running location that works well for me. I'm disappointed but I'm not giving up.
Anyway, I'm disappointed because my plan for running using my newly created running plan was demolished. I was getting tired of my personal indoor track that is all turns and no straightaways - I'm sure its slowing down my running. My plan was to try out the Brookfield East High School where our cities' Park and Rec holds an open gym for residents on Monday nights. For some unknown reason I was assuming the track was elevated above the basketball courts. Turns out the track is painted around the edge of the courts and is just a gym floor - no cushioning, no nothing. And to make matters worse - the direction they had set up the courts had the track either in or right next to the basketball games. This would not be a pleasant way to get in 2+ miles.
I came home but knew there was very little chance I would run in my basement - it needs natural (daylight) light to be a good location for a run. And its pitch black outside - not gonna work for me.
Disappointed because this time of year it really takes a lot of gumption on my part to get out and leave the house when its already dark out. I'm sure I have suffer some from seasonal affective disorder (SAD). I talked myself in and out of going at least 5 times before I left. I made myself do it and it didn't work out well. I'm hoping that doesn't affect me getting out next time (ie, reminding myself how it didn't work this time and is probably not worth it next time).
I knew the timing was not working in my favor. The park and rec open gym starts at 8pm. I much prefer to do my evening running around 6pm and have dinner after. Running at 8pm meant that I had already eaten dinner, and even though it was soup and not very heavy I still prefer not to eat much before I run.
It was worth a try. It didn't work out well. There is no need to repeat trying to run at this location. But it is worthwhile for me to find another indoor location where I can run while its too cold to run outside. The Pettit National Ice Center is a possibility - but from training for my first half marathon I found that while the Pettit lists hours for the indoor track they don't have it open unless the ice rinks are in use. I've been there mornings when they were supposed to have been open already for 2 hours and were still closed. For an early morning runners like me this can be frustrating. I'll add it to my options, but I'll also keep checking around for another indoor running location that works well for me. I'm disappointed but I'm not giving up.
Barb got her grove back
I was going to title this How Barb Got Her Grove Back to play off the movie title but I really not sure about the "how" I just know its back and I'm happy about that and not going to question it or dig to deep into it in case I jinx it. My best guess is it was the return of sunshine and some warmer weather this week.
I'm back to running/jogging in a run/walk mode using Marty's program; which is very similar to the Jeff Galloway program of intervals of running and walking. So far it has felt good. My foot still hurts on some of those days - but not enough to stop me from going the next time. I've come up with a plan where I run one morning, and then instead of taking the next day off - I run that evening and take the next day (day 3) off. That gives me the opportunity to run 10 times over a 2 week period. If I ran every other day, then I would only have 7 opportunities over that same period. Since its only about 2 miles each outing, I think the extra days can only help me in getting ready for Marty's trail running program starting April 1 and Crazy Legs on April 30.
I've also made some headway in getting things done lately. This is a big improvement, but there is a lot of catch up to do to get things where I want them to be.
Weekly challenges will be back - you'll probably see this week's challenges by the end of this day.
I'm back to running/jogging in a run/walk mode using Marty's program; which is very similar to the Jeff Galloway program of intervals of running and walking. So far it has felt good. My foot still hurts on some of those days - but not enough to stop me from going the next time. I've come up with a plan where I run one morning, and then instead of taking the next day off - I run that evening and take the next day (day 3) off. That gives me the opportunity to run 10 times over a 2 week period. If I ran every other day, then I would only have 7 opportunities over that same period. Since its only about 2 miles each outing, I think the extra days can only help me in getting ready for Marty's trail running program starting April 1 and Crazy Legs on April 30.
I've also made some headway in getting things done lately. This is a big improvement, but there is a lot of catch up to do to get things where I want them to be.
Weekly challenges will be back - you'll probably see this week's challenges by the end of this day.
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