Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Some sense of Peace
This is hard to write. I'm hoping it will be cathartic and help me get over the sudden loss of Wally.
While his death was extremely hard on me, there are several things about it that have given me a sense of peace.
In no particular order...
I'm thankful for finding him still alive. The morning of his death we had our normal morning routine. He jumped on the bed just after the alarm sounded. He was running around and playful as I got ready. I'm thankful his death didn't happen overnight, or when I was out, or worse when I was home with him but busy with work and not paying attention to him. Instead I was actively looking for him. He was alone in this distressed state for no more than 20 minutes before I found him. I think if I had found him already dead I would be in much worse shape and could not handle this as well.
I'm thankful that I had taken Wally to the vet just 2 weeks before his death. He was a well cared for cat. Wally was a little off - his eating was down, he had times when you could tell he wanted comfort. Something was wrong, but he was mainly himself. If I had not taken him to the vet, I would still wonder if there was something, anything that could have been found to prevent his death. I know there wasn't. He had been fully checked out by the vets taking a urine sample, doing X-rays, and an ultrasound -- but they found nothing.
Even though it was extremely difficult to see my little boy in so much pain as he struggled for his last breaths, I am grateful that I was there with him and that he was not alone.
I'm thankful that one day over Christmas break he had a minor incident that caused me to call the vet and they gave me information on the closest animal emergency center. That day turned out to be nothing, but I had booked marked their webpage and so on the day of his death I knew who to call and how to get there - there was no wasted time searching on where or what to do.
I'm thankful that my sister Jo Ann and her son Rolly were planning to spend the weekend with me. Since they were staying with me, I splurged and had a cleaning company come in on Tuesday and as part of that clean up most of Wally's stuff was put away. This made it much easier after his death to not have all his toys and blankets out and about - that would have been the constant reminder. And it would have been really sad to put those things away and knowing it was for the last time. I'm also thankful that Jo Ann and Rolly were here - its a great distraction and it really helped keep the house from feeling empty without Wally.
While its extremely sad and the feelings of loss overcome me at different times, overall I do have some sense of peace about his passing. I know I loved him, I know he loved me, I know he knew I loved him, I know he was well cared for (some may even say I spoiled him) and I know he did not suffer for long.
I think Wally's last loving act to me was to give me gifts of faith and improved health. I have a feeling my faith is part of why I'm able to deal with Wally's death. I don't think I knew how strong my faith had become until I had this terrible burden and am able to see the peace within me. And in a funny sort of way, Wally may help me finally get back to a healthier weight. His death has deeply affected me and with that I have lost much of my appetite. And also given me nervous energy that makes me want to do something active to burn it off. I'm down a few pounds already and I hope to internally dedicate my new resolution to exercise and eating better to Wally. I'll think of my new resolution as his last gift to me.
While his death was extremely hard on me, there are several things about it that have given me a sense of peace.
In no particular order...
I'm thankful for finding him still alive. The morning of his death we had our normal morning routine. He jumped on the bed just after the alarm sounded. He was running around and playful as I got ready. I'm thankful his death didn't happen overnight, or when I was out, or worse when I was home with him but busy with work and not paying attention to him. Instead I was actively looking for him. He was alone in this distressed state for no more than 20 minutes before I found him. I think if I had found him already dead I would be in much worse shape and could not handle this as well.
I'm thankful that I had taken Wally to the vet just 2 weeks before his death. He was a well cared for cat. Wally was a little off - his eating was down, he had times when you could tell he wanted comfort. Something was wrong, but he was mainly himself. If I had not taken him to the vet, I would still wonder if there was something, anything that could have been found to prevent his death. I know there wasn't. He had been fully checked out by the vets taking a urine sample, doing X-rays, and an ultrasound -- but they found nothing.
Even though it was extremely difficult to see my little boy in so much pain as he struggled for his last breaths, I am grateful that I was there with him and that he was not alone.
I'm thankful that one day over Christmas break he had a minor incident that caused me to call the vet and they gave me information on the closest animal emergency center. That day turned out to be nothing, but I had booked marked their webpage and so on the day of his death I knew who to call and how to get there - there was no wasted time searching on where or what to do.
I'm thankful that my sister Jo Ann and her son Rolly were planning to spend the weekend with me. Since they were staying with me, I splurged and had a cleaning company come in on Tuesday and as part of that clean up most of Wally's stuff was put away. This made it much easier after his death to not have all his toys and blankets out and about - that would have been the constant reminder. And it would have been really sad to put those things away and knowing it was for the last time. I'm also thankful that Jo Ann and Rolly were here - its a great distraction and it really helped keep the house from feeling empty without Wally.
While its extremely sad and the feelings of loss overcome me at different times, overall I do have some sense of peace about his passing. I know I loved him, I know he loved me, I know he knew I loved him, I know he was well cared for (some may even say I spoiled him) and I know he did not suffer for long.
I think Wally's last loving act to me was to give me gifts of faith and improved health. I have a feeling my faith is part of why I'm able to deal with Wally's death. I don't think I knew how strong my faith had become until I had this terrible burden and am able to see the peace within me. And in a funny sort of way, Wally may help me finally get back to a healthier weight. His death has deeply affected me and with that I have lost much of my appetite. And also given me nervous energy that makes me want to do something active to burn it off. I'm down a few pounds already and I hope to internally dedicate my new resolution to exercise and eating better to Wally. I'll think of my new resolution as his last gift to me.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
RIP Wally
My heart breaks today. My wonderful little boy of a cat died today.
I adopted Wally in October of 2001 shortly after the September 11th attacks on America and a couple of months after I had to put my cat Tibbers to sleep.
At the animal shelter I had meet with several cats and none really seams to be a good fit - I may have even seen all the available cats. When I asked if they had any orange cats, they told me there was one about 10 months old. He had been a stray someone found and brought in to the shelter. The cat was still under assimilation training but they were willing to see how he acted around people and brought him into the viewing room with me. Wally looked around for a minute then he spotted me, walked over to the folding chair I was sitting on, rubbed my legs for a minute while I petted him then he jumped up on my lap and rolled over to have me pet his belly. He had found me, I had found my cat.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Welcome
Hope you like the changes to my little blog. I love globes and old maps so this background spoke to me. I'd rather have the brown be shades of blue - but you get what you get with free hosting!
Enjoy
Enjoy
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