Feeling Overwhelmed

Not the best of weeks for me .... and its only Tuesday!!

Saturday I meet with a physical therapist to talk about my torn meniscus in my right knee.  He explained and confirmed some things I was concerned about.   There is going to be a need for surgery on it - it's just a question of when; it's possible that with successful therapy and continued exercises the surgery could be delayed up to 5 years.   And the key reason to delay as long as possible is because the surgery to clip away the torn part will reduce the size of the meniscus and the less meniscus you have the more arthritis you get (not 100% sure I have that right but the physical therapist did confirm what Dr Wichman had said that the surgery will lead to arthritis).

The worst of it is that he also confirmed the therapy will be painful and probably not work.  There is no physical therapy you can do to repair the torn meniscus - once it's torn it's torn.   But the therapy can make your leg muscles around the knee, specifically the quad muscles, stronger so that less pressure is on the knee and with less pressure the tear has less impact on the knee's functioning.  It's worth a try - there is not much to lose - but don't get your hopes up too high. 

He also confirmed that running and hiking are pretty much out for most of the year - he said it could be better by Fall.  He recommended water walking and biking.  Biking will be fine for me once we get to warmer weather.  But there is still several months off.  Not sure about finding a pool that I could water walk in.  I don't belong to any gyms now and I found that I'm not the best at making use of a gym - I'm both too much of a homebody and also already involved in (too) many things that the few free nights I have, I'm much rather spend them at home than going to a gym.  And I find this even more true now that I have a dog instead of a cat.  So I'll try to look into some of the public/high school pools and see if they have some open nights to give this a try.

So then on to the next not so great news -- I was talking with a former teammate and she gave me the update that she has been training people in Mexico to take over our roles.  She is retiring at the end of the year so its not a significant impact to her.  I had seen the writing on the wall that this was the direction IBM was going.  People kept telling me I had nothing to worry about and if this would ever happen it would be year out.  I'm not so sure it is years out.  It's not a complete swap of our jobs but it does mean there will be less and less TOMs on the IBM payroll.

The good news is I've already started to take some steps in preparing myself for a new job search.  I've enrolled in a Finding Your Calling, a 5 week career seminar that starts in February. 

Then the eating....I can not get my act together this week.   While at Sam's Club I picked up the 2 snack bag deal and I have been chowing on Cheetos ever since.  I can't stop eating them.   They really are my Achilles Heel and I need to be more mindful of their impact on me.  I don't do well when I cut out all snack food - I do like to have it with my sandwiches at lunch.  If I go without for too long then it builds up in me and I over do.  When I have a little bit and a variety to choose from I do much better.   But I'm coming to realize I can't have Cheetos in that mix.  I need to stick with the potato chips, veggie chips, and tortilla chips but leave the Cheetos out of the regular mix and I need to understand that when I purchase a bag it will be eaten too quickly.  I just have to budget my calories around that.   And just like I realize I can't cut out all the chips - that I need some or I go overboard - its the same with Cheetos, I do need to have them occasionally or else I go bad (like I am now).

I think the eating issue may be a depressed reaction to these things.  The year and my life are going in a direction I don't want.  Its nothing to over react to, but it is something to evaluate and find where /what I want to be and make a plan to get there.  

Time for Myself

I feel the need to schedule and track doing something special for myself, with the goal being at least once per month.  This can be anything - I don't want to put too many limitations on it.  And I somewhat feel like this should be outside of my immediate geography.  Not sure why that condition is sticking with me.  I hope to update this monthly or at least quarterly.

Goal is 12 events // Target is one per month

January / accomplished! - day trip to Appleton to see the Leonardo Da Vinci exhibit at their History Museum.  Plus did some extra driving around the river and Lawrence University.  It was around zero degrees with wind chills in the negative teens so it was minimal time outside of the car; had it been a nice day I would have loved to add in some walking along the trails along river.  The trails had the feel of UW Madison's Lake Shore Path. 

February / accomplished - day trip to Lake Geneva's Winterfest to see the national snow carving competition.  Along with that were hot drinks at the Ice Bar (yes, the actual serving bar was carved out of ice).  Plus after dark we hiked a trail at Big Foot Beach State Park that they light by luminaries.  It was nice and peaceful and except for it being too cold, it was a great way to end the day.  But then we were surprised by one more thing - fireworks!  We're not sure where they came from but are guessing they were lighting them at the Grand Geneva ski hill as part of the Winterfest activities. 

March -I'm going to do something to celebrate Wally.  Unfortunately his day falls on Palm Sunday which means I have other commitments.  Last year I did a movie (Warhorse) and hike - it was good and I needed it.  I'd really like this to become a spa day, not so much for the treatments themselves (although I probably will get a massage) but for the atmosphere at someplace like Kolher's Water Spa.  
Also planning a weekend trip to St Louis

April -Considering a trip to Red Mountain Spa in St George, Utah.  They have several personal retreat packages, and most include daily hikes!  Plus this is close enough (3 hrs away) that I could add in a day at the North rim of the Grand Canyon. *** Update - based on the input from the physical therapist this is probably not the right timing for me.  He said I could go, but I wouldn't enjoy the hikes as much and probably could not do the longer / harder hikes.  Since this is significant dollars and time to go, I think it will be rescheduled to a time when I can do this way I want (ie, longer/hard hikes, angles landing hike, etc)

May -

June -

July -


August -

September -

November -

December -

You can see there is a lot to add - I'm hoping to update this every month or at least every quarter.  This may be the Year of Me.... and this is a good start to making that a good year!

Subtle Celebrations for Minor Holidays in Honor of My Mom

My mom was a master at subtle holiday celebrations.  So subtle that I'm pretty sure most of my siblings don't even remember this.   One thing to remind you up front - I have a much better memory than the average person and much better than all of my siblings.  With that, I also am able to see patterns and notice things repeating that most people would miss.  

For example, Mom would always make Chinese food for the Chinese New Year.  Now LaCoy Chop Suey (from a can) was part of our dinner regular rotation of meals so it was nothing out of the ordinary.  And the Chinese New Year does not fall on the same date - it is sometime between later January and mid February.   Like I said, Mom was subtle so while she would mention it was the Chinese New Year - that was all it would get, a mention.  Without a good memory it would be easy to miss that she made Chinese food every year on the Chinese New Year.

Another example is that she always had a cherry item for President's Day in honor of George Washington and his well know story of chopping down the cherry tree.  This was usually dessert - and would have been harder to notice.  Sometimes all it took was adding those sour cherry valentines candy to our brown bag lunches.  It was there , but it was subtle.

I find my self emulating her and doing something little (and like her usually food related) to celebrate the minor holidays.  It makes me happy to do this and think of my Mom who has been gone now for 14 years.  I still miss her.

Time to start acting like the person I want to be

JD had a link to an old post of his, which got me perusing though some of his older posts.  This one on The Man I Want To Be really spoke to me.  And then I saw he posted it on my birthday.  That's a sign

"If you don't change directions, you'll arrive at where your headed." I don't like the place I'm headed.

It's time for me to start acting like the person I want to be, start acting like it and the life will follow.  

Living 12

The husband of a friend of mine regularly posts about 12'ing.   It's a physophy that is working well for him to stay happy and healthy.  Just recently I ran across his FB page for Live Twelve. 

Here are 12 big questions.   Sadly I can answer Yes to only around 6 of them.  I've got some work to do!

LiveTwelve

What is LiveTwelve? Lots of new people liking the page and checking it out. So for you, here is a quick look into what LiveTwelve is all about.

Here are the 12 questions that can help you determine if you're truly 12in it! I hope you are!!! LiveTwelve's "Big 12" questions......

1. Do you wake up and look forward to the day ahead of you?

2. Do you have a "best" friend?

3. Do you have a passion in life?

4. Have you done something you've "always" wanted to do in last 12 months?

5. Are you aware of and do you nurture your "work life balance"?

6. Do you take care of your health?

7. Have you told someone you love them in the last 12 hours?

8. Have you laughed out loud at any point in the last 24 hours?

9. Can you say that at some point in your life that you've had a positive influence on someone else's?

10. Do you have a charity that you support with either your time or your money?

11. Have you overcome and totally conquered some form of adversity in your life?

12. Are you passionate and involved with your faith?

You ultimately decide whether you're engaged in your life!!! Are you?

Ramit's Top 5 Productivity Mistakes

Still on the Ramit train - this is his Top 5 Productivity Mistakes -- they do make sense to me and I'm guilty on more than a few of them.

1. Trying To Do It All Ourselves
• rating all the to-do items the same importance - choosing things to outsource so that you can focus on the important stuff
2. Neglecting The Importance Of Limited Energy, Condition And Willpower
3. Feeling That You Have Be Productive All The Time 
• actually guilt free recuperation time - schedule it if you need to 
4. Reproducibility Porn
• its not apps, tricks, hacks, its discipline, will power, nutrition, etc 
5. Not Doing An Honest Assessment 

I'm going to take these into account as set my plan /resolutions / goals for the year

Still figuring things out

I'm still working on the plans / goals / resolutions for the new year but one thing has become quite clear - I need to make it a priority to improve my life with Zeus.   He deserves better than I'm giving him.

On Saturday night I screamed at him when he was slow to come into the house after a bathroom walk. It was cold and dark and I was having no fun outside and that sweet dog just wanted to play and not come in.  I scared him.  As soon as we got into the house he hid in his crate and did not come out for a good 40 minutes.   Yes, he needs to do a better job of listening and coming when told but no, he should not be scared when he disobeys that command.   I felt bad that he felt so scared.  Its just not working well for either of us.  This needs to be a priority to fix.

I was reading a Ramit's I Will Teach You To Be Rich blog and it's really touching a nerve with me.  He used to just annoy me and I often found it hard to read all the way through the post.  He has a tough love approach, without a lot of love.  Ramit used this example and it's really stuck with me:

For example, how many of us complain about our sleep…yet have never systematically practiced improving it? Not even Googled “how to sleep better” and tested 5 different approaches? Most people just say, “Yeah…I really have trouble going to sleep….I wish I could fall asleep faster but my mind just won’t slow down!”

Wow - that's me with Zeus.  I know we have to change but so far I've mainly complained about it without much action.  This week I've googled a few times to see if there are approaches I can try to get Zeus to spend more time without me, to be able to go to the bathroom without me (ie, I just let him out, on or off a line), etc

Ramit has declared 2013 the Year of Taking Control - I like that and may be borrowing it for myself.  I'm sure his blog will become a regular read for me.  I hope I can learn and develop from his insight.

2013 will not be Year of Reduction

Haha -- I was reading through my old post to see if I had put together concrete goals for 2012 and I ran into this 2011 - the year of reductions post.  So like I said, these reduction items have been on my to-do and goal list for a while but apparently I'm not motivated or excited enough to actually get them done.  It's just another sign telling me to do the full process!

My 'Year of Reduction'?

I normally do an annual review and set goals for the coming year.  I never got around to it at the end of 2012 because of a bad cold that kept me from doing almost anything more than I absolutely had to, plus this introspection is hard for me to do while I have a house full of guest staying with me for the holidays.  So I'm a little late in getting around to it but you'll see more about this in the next few days and weeks.

From one of my favorite bloggers, JD Roth at More Than Money, I found a link to Chris Guillebeau's The Art of Non Conformity and his guide to doing an annual review.  I plan to take some time and follow his approach - its not just setting goals but doing a meaningful plan to accomplish them.  And as he says, people tend to understand what they can accomplish in a year.  Planning can make it happen.

His review consist of a Review of the Prior Year - looking back what worked, what didn't work, and Outlining of Goals and Focus for the New Year, and finally Make Decisions in Support of the Goals and Focus.  My question mark on the post title is because I'm jumping to the Year's Focus already - year of reduction - without having done the other steps.   He warns that it is better to work through the process and see what goals you are excited about before you set your focus and push goals to fit it.

So I'm knowingly jumping the gun, but I'm expecting I'll develop goals for health (with weight loss being a reduction), goals for decluttering (ie, a reduction in stuff), possibly a reduction in mortgage debt (obvious reduction goal).  These are areas that have been on my mind and active in my todo lists so its reasonable to think this will dominate my goals for the year.

The other key goal, that doesn't fit so well into this theme, is working with Zeus.   Things have improved tremendously between us this year, but there is still so much to go.  Let me be up front about this - the problem is more with me than it is with him!  He is a very sweet and well behaved dog.   The problem is he is a dog.   And dogs take time and effort that cats do not.  I don't yet know how to live with a dog and still do the things I want to - for example, today the Ice Age Club was hosting a snowshoe hike through Laphem Peak State Park - something I would love to have joined.  But it was from 11 am to 2pm with socializing / bring your own lunch afterwards - so I would not have been home till about 3pm and then needing to leave almost immediately for a Rose Bowl party.  If I had a cat pet, then no problem.  I could have easily make these times work for me.   With a dog, not so much.  At somepoint in between those I need to feed him and walk him.  And actually getting out of the house this morning was delayed by two walks cause not all the bathroom business got done on the first walk.  It's not overwhelming and certainly other people have much bigger problems (in life and with their own pets) but its inconvenient and I have not yet adjusted my thoughts and actions to take living with a dog into account.   Some of this is my own doing - I haven't trained Zeus to go out by himself and I don't have a fence installed to allow it.  So I envision some goals and major actions on my part to make this better for both Zeus and me.   It needs and deserves some focus - this is the area that is keeping me from being happier.  It brings me down often so need some serious review and planning for 2013 to be better, especially because this has long term impact as I expect Zeus to live another 10 years or so.

Another potential goal that doesn't quite fit into a year of reduction is to blog post more - I'm thinking 50 post this year. Fifty sounds like a lot - last year was only 39 and a good 10 of those were directly related to the New Mexico trip and storing directions and links.   I feel compelled to have a goal like this to help push me to get both more open about sharing things and also to help maintain good writing skills.   I have that vague ideal job of being a movie critic so posting more seams to moving in the right direction.

Guess I will have to go through the process and see where my focus and interest really lay - because while I started with the what's been current on my to do list - with all those reduction items, at first glance I think I'm more focused and excited by these last two goals which don't fit the year of reduction. 

I love Bath and Body Works

Have I told you my love for Bath and Body Works products?  I've been a long time user of their lotion and have more recently started using their hand soap and body wash.  I loooovvvveee their fruity/citrus-y scents the most.  I'm also in love with their vanillas and peppermint.  I'm not so in love with their flower scents - I find those to be overpowering and stifling.

My master bedroom hallway near the bathroom smells of oranges.  I used the orange ginger energy blend this morning and I smell great and do have a little more spring to my step.

And my frugal side loves them too - which is a little surprising because they do cost more than similar store brand products.   But they have such great sales.   Twice a year they have these products for $3 - and most cost around $11 dollars - so almost 75% off and then it's much cheaper than the store brands. At the after Christmas $3 sale I saved over $85 paying less than $30 for over $120 worth of products!  They were only $3 and I had a coupon for $10 off any $30 purchase.  The coupon was had expired a few days before but they still took it.  Very nice customer support/appreciation.

My key problem with them is that I stock up too much at these prices! I think I currently have more than enough to last me through the year and well into 2014 but I tell you - when I see the summer Semi Annual $3 sale....I know I'll be there picking up more!