Feeling Overwhelmed

Not the best of weeks for me .... and its only Tuesday!!

Saturday I meet with a physical therapist to talk about my torn meniscus in my right knee.  He explained and confirmed some things I was concerned about.   There is going to be a need for surgery on it - it's just a question of when; it's possible that with successful therapy and continued exercises the surgery could be delayed up to 5 years.   And the key reason to delay as long as possible is because the surgery to clip away the torn part will reduce the size of the meniscus and the less meniscus you have the more arthritis you get (not 100% sure I have that right but the physical therapist did confirm what Dr Wichman had said that the surgery will lead to arthritis).

The worst of it is that he also confirmed the therapy will be painful and probably not work.  There is no physical therapy you can do to repair the torn meniscus - once it's torn it's torn.   But the therapy can make your leg muscles around the knee, specifically the quad muscles, stronger so that less pressure is on the knee and with less pressure the tear has less impact on the knee's functioning.  It's worth a try - there is not much to lose - but don't get your hopes up too high. 

He also confirmed that running and hiking are pretty much out for most of the year - he said it could be better by Fall.  He recommended water walking and biking.  Biking will be fine for me once we get to warmer weather.  But there is still several months off.  Not sure about finding a pool that I could water walk in.  I don't belong to any gyms now and I found that I'm not the best at making use of a gym - I'm both too much of a homebody and also already involved in (too) many things that the few free nights I have, I'm much rather spend them at home than going to a gym.  And I find this even more true now that I have a dog instead of a cat.  So I'll try to look into some of the public/high school pools and see if they have some open nights to give this a try.

So then on to the next not so great news -- I was talking with a former teammate and she gave me the update that she has been training people in Mexico to take over our roles.  She is retiring at the end of the year so its not a significant impact to her.  I had seen the writing on the wall that this was the direction IBM was going.  People kept telling me I had nothing to worry about and if this would ever happen it would be year out.  I'm not so sure it is years out.  It's not a complete swap of our jobs but it does mean there will be less and less TOMs on the IBM payroll.

The good news is I've already started to take some steps in preparing myself for a new job search.  I've enrolled in a Finding Your Calling, a 5 week career seminar that starts in February. 

Then the eating....I can not get my act together this week.   While at Sam's Club I picked up the 2 snack bag deal and I have been chowing on Cheetos ever since.  I can't stop eating them.   They really are my Achilles Heel and I need to be more mindful of their impact on me.  I don't do well when I cut out all snack food - I do like to have it with my sandwiches at lunch.  If I go without for too long then it builds up in me and I over do.  When I have a little bit and a variety to choose from I do much better.   But I'm coming to realize I can't have Cheetos in that mix.  I need to stick with the potato chips, veggie chips, and tortilla chips but leave the Cheetos out of the regular mix and I need to understand that when I purchase a bag it will be eaten too quickly.  I just have to budget my calories around that.   And just like I realize I can't cut out all the chips - that I need some or I go overboard - its the same with Cheetos, I do need to have them occasionally or else I go bad (like I am now).

I think the eating issue may be a depressed reaction to these things.  The year and my life are going in a direction I don't want.  Its nothing to over react to, but it is something to evaluate and find where /what I want to be and make a plan to get there.